


Every Little Thing

by StarGazerGamer



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Just a little canon divergence, Slow Burn, Smut, Varric can be an idiot sometimes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-20
Updated: 2017-11-20
Packaged: 2019-01-17 01:29:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarGazerGamer/pseuds/StarGazerGamer
Summary: Inquisitor Cadash has had feelings for Varric Tethras since the first meeting.  Cadash keeps her feelings close to her chest as it seems Varric would never reciprocate.  Until a fateful meeting with Bianca happens and he begins to see the Inquisitor in a new light?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sumi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sumi/gifts).



> I did use some of my own Headcanons and some slight canon divergence.

She wasn’t sure when it started, the bittersweet yearning in her heart. The throbbing ache that was a constant companion. It may have been that very first conversation when he’d playfully evaded her pathetic attempts at flirting and her careful prodding into past or current relationships. Cadash couldn’t blame him for not wanting to speak of it, but after everything they’d been through it hurt. It hurt more than she was ready to admit, and she avoided stopping by to speak to him for a bit. She just needed to get her riotous emotions under control so nothing would slip. It would do no good to let him see what was beginning to blossom in her heart.

That he kept his distance from her, even if she knew that they had only known each other for a short amount of time, still stung. Three months if she did her math right, and she had reluctantly accepted he wouldn’t open to her. The realization that she was put on a pedestal, even by him, cut at her. The almost worship that seemed to follow her, as if people saw her as their savior, scared the pants off her. She was _terrified_ that people were expecting her to save Thedas. In her family, she wasn’t on a pedestal, despite being the oldest daughter of the clan head. The Cadash family earned their rank through their work, deeds, and cunning. She’d gone through several aunts and uncles to get to where she was currently ranked, and had kept her siblings from shanking her in her sleep. Though the family business was in dire straits thanks to the damn Breach.

“Inquisitor.” Cadash paused mid step and looked up from the report Josephine sent her as a familiar voice hailed her. Her hands tightened faintly on the paper in reflex. She turned to face the source and pasted a smile on her face as she went over to him. So far out of her reach it was almost sickening to realize. Her heart sped up with anticipation as she approached him in the main hall. Cadash wondered if that made her pathetic to long for someone who wouldn’t give her the time of day. The noise of the great hall fell to a soft murmur as her attention focused on him.

“What can I do for you Varric?” She watched the surprise flicker over his face at her cheery tone. It sounded forced to her ears, and Varric was smart enough to figure it out. Cadash didn’t want anyone to see the strain she was under. It wouldn’t do for the group to lose morale, and Cadash agreed. They’d just barely come together to make the Inquisition, they couldn’t afford to see their leader falter. No matter how much she wanted to sink down and give in to the anguish. The problem was firmly entrenched in keeping her composure and attitude perky. Even before the Inquisition she hadn’t exactly been a _perky_ individual. Lyrium smuggling didn’t allow for a lot of happy memories and relaxed attitudes around the estate. Back in Ostwick, Cadash had slept with a dagger under her pillow in the event someone tried to off her in her sleep.

She noticed his staring at her without a word, it made her anxious. Cadash almost began fidgeting under his scrutiny and steeled her shoulders against it. She was too old to be falling for that tactic. It hadn’t worked for her grandmother and she wouldn’t let it work with this wily rogue. She _was_ the Inquisitor after all, despite her utter reluctance in accepting the title.

“Got time for a game of Wicked Grace?” He shot her a charming grin and Cadash felt her heart flutter. The heat crept up the back of her neck at the way his face lit up with that smile. He always had a quip or smile ready for anyone, and she was selfish enough to believe he did these things for her. Internally cursing that she was acting like a teenager with the first blush of infatuation, Cadash opened her mouth to decline the invitation when Josephine came through the crowds of people. The Antivan beauty spotted Cadash and a smile broke over her face. Cadash liked Josephine, the ambassador held a high tolerance for political bullshit but could be ruthless when the situation called for it.

“Ah. Inquisitor Cadash. We received news from Halamshiral. Would you please join me in my office?” Josephine smiled at the dwarf and turned to Varric. “My apologies Master Tethras.” Varric shrugged and waved at the ambassador and Josephine turned back to her office.

“Sorry Varric. Maybe later.” Cadash smiled apologetically at him and turned on her heel to hurry after Josephine. She was almost ashamed of the relief that swept through her that she didn’t have to sit through a torturous game of Wicked Grace and be at the mercy of her emotions. She glanced behind her to see Varric already turned back to the papers in front of him, a small smile playing on his lips. She’d been easily dismissed from his thoughts and she felt the blow as if it were physical. Cadash was nearing her fourth decade and she shouldn’t let something like this bother her. She ignored the sharp sting of rejection and focused on Josephine and what news came from Orlais. Cadash powered through the meeting about Empress Celene, which didn’t interest her as much as Josephine believed. She didn’t particularly care how the humans ran their own countries, but the civil war had disrupted her family’s business. _That_ interested her far more than the power players. The humans fighting in every spot of the Dales had disrupted trade routes for the lyrium, and it annoyed the hell out of the Cadash family. The Dalish that normally left them alone were more skittish than usual. They’d lashed out at the smugglers and Cadash knew her mother had lost good men to both the elves and humans. If Cadash could do something to smooth things over, her mother would be pleased and would back off with the letters full of guilt about not helping out the family with her new title.

“I’ll leave the outfits to you, Vivienne, and Dorian.” Cadash informed her, fashion was most not her area of expertise. An Orlesian ball sounded as close to torture as the dwarf wanted to come, but it was required of her as Inquisitor. She’d seen how Corypheus threatened all of Thedas, and as much as she hated to admit it, Orlais did play a big part in keeping Tevinter at bay. Just the thought of wearing those complicated outfits that Orlesians called fashion scared her more than a rage demon. Cadash would be happy as long as she wasn’t butt naked or wearing one of those useless frocks that didn’t leave any room for moving. Those three would either be in heaven or come to verbal blows based on fashion choices, either way it would be interesting at the ball. Cadash looked up as Cullen joined her in leaving the office. Cadash liked the commander, he offered a no-nonsense attitude that she appreciated. He also didn’t like the political maneuvering her position seemed to demand, something that had in common. Not that Cadash didn’t dislike her other advisors, but she got along better with the Commander. They could understand one another in that they were both strategists and soldiers first and foremost. Despite Cadash being in a Carta family, she had been raised with the dagger in her hand. He bid her farewell as they made it into the great hall.

Cadash took a moment to observe the room from her position. There was an advantage to being so short, people tended to overlook and underestimate her. That was to their detriment and her advantage as elicit information was always easier to get when people forgot she was there. Leliana had mentioned taking on Cadash if she hadn’t already been the Inquisitor. High praise indeed. Cadash smiled at the memory as her blue eyes skimmed over the great stone walls. The decorations were a mix of dwarven and Free Marches, Josephine had suggested Chantry but Cadash had put her foot down. The Chantry denounced them and had branded them criminals until it became clear that the Inquisition was the only thing standing between them and a frigging archdemon. Cadash had refused to have anything pertaining to the Chantry so long as _she_ was Inquisitor. Josephine had backed down once Cadash set her mind to it, the dwarven Inquisitor was as immovable as stone once her mind was made up. The tapestry reminded her of the Cadash estate in Ostwick, though the entire family was spread across the Free Marches. It anchored her in this new constantly changing reality. A small bit of home in the cold mountains between Orlais and Ferelden. She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn’t hear Varric sidle up behind her.

“Got time for that game now?” The smooth voice drew her attention and she saw Varric standing there to her right. Cadash cursed her traitorous heart as it began its damnable fluttering again. The man had all but stamped unavailable on his forehead, she wished her heart would understand that. Despite it all, her lips curved in a soft smile and she nodded. Knowing full well she was going to be losing her shirt, figuratively, while playing. The burning ache in her chest would hopefully ease somewhat if she could maintain this professional distance. The Inquisitor didn’t need to get tangled up in attraction, that hadn’t worked out so well for her last time. It was too bad her damned heart wouldn’t listen to her brain.

“Of course. I always have time for a good card game and good ale.”

“Well, you’ll have to settle for a good card game but piss poor ale.” Cadash laughed and nodded in agreement. The Herald’s Rest was still gaining access to the decent alcohol from Orlais, Ferelden, and the Free Marches. The current quality was dubious at best. “Throw in the stench of actual piss and I’d almost feel like I was in Kirkwall.” Cadash felt the smile tug at her lips and refused to give into it. She’d been in the Hanged Man in Kirkwall’s Lowtown. Varric wasn’t joking about the piss smell.

“Well, we can’t always get what we want.” Cadash put her hands on her hips as she grinned at him. He paused and looked at her, puzzlement furrowing his brows.

“I would think the Inquisitor would be able to get what she wants.” Cadash snorted but in her head, she was reeling. Is that how he saw her? A spoiled princess? A position she had never asked for nor wanted. She just wished she could remember how she’d gotten the Anchor and what happened in the Temple, but her memories were still fuzzy and blank.

“I’m certain Josephine could, but that would require more political bullshit than I can tolerate.” Cadash murmured as they approached the tavern. She lifted a hand to Bull as they grabbed a table nearby. The large qunari came over to join their game and Sera almost bolted down the stairs to join. She had some redeeming to do, or so she claimed. No one was able to beat Varric, except Josephine. Cadash laughed as Bull told them a story about an Orlesian noble that had hired the Chargers. The man wanted to impress his cronies and had tasked Bull with getting some rare blood red gem. They’d gotten it, and the man drunkenly fallen off his balcony.

“We labeled it at a cursed gem, sold it, and lived like kings for weeks after.” Bull laughed as Sera snorted. Cadash set her ale down as she gave into the laughter at the image of the Chargers claiming the stolen gem was cursed. Yet she could very well believe it, Orlesian nobles were extremely gullible. Her cerulean eyes passed over Varric who caught her eye and grinned at her. The half-smile that graced his lips sent a languid heat spreading through her chest. Cadash wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or Varric that caused the heat to sink its teeth into her.

_I’m done for._


	2. Chapter 2

“Who will stay behind?” Hawke glanced at the Inquisitor. Cadash froze as if she’d been caught in one of Dorian’s famous ice mines. The impact of those words sunk into her bones. Her sapphire eyes met Hawke’s with the stark fear and grief swimming in them. Cadash didn’t want to make the call, there would always be _someone_ unhappy with her choice. Her jaw clenched painfully as she looked from the Warden to Hawke, knowing full well what her heart wanted. One decision would devastate the man she had grown to have strong feelings for, and her soul screamed at her in protest. Her mind recognized needing the Warden’s experience since Corypheus had shown an ability to manipulate the taint in them. They both glanced at her with pity and understanding. Both had been in her shoes at one point or another, and knew how difficult the decisions were.

It was why they were leaving this decision to her, she would be the one to continue on and save Thedas from one of the greatest threats barring the Blights. After what seemed like an eternity, Cadash looked at the Warden. Her vision swam from the unshed tears, the burning in her throat intensified as she knew she’d just sentenced an innocent man to die. There was no coming back from this decision, and Cadash wondered if she could ever come to terms with it. He inclined his head with a small sad smile on his lips. He understood her decision and was telling her without words that he accepted it. The Warden turned and drew his sword while raising the shield in his other hand.

Cadash watched him rush towards the Nightmare demon before she and Hawke jumped through the rift and out of the Fade. She rolled away from the Rift, scrambling to her feet as she raised the Anchor and closed the rift before anymore demons could come through. Her heart heavy with the decision she’d just made; the Inquisitor knew she had to justify it. Cadash could feel the stares of everyone at her back, their silent judgment pushing at her, the silence pressed in on her and threatened to consume her. Everyone looked at her for answers and she had to give them, despite the trembling in her body from the strain of every decision she’d made as Inquisitor. The speeches would need to be made to placate the Wardens. Cadash had to give an answer for her decision, but she was unsure about how to do so. Diplomacy never was her strong suit, but since accepting the mantle of Inquisitor she had gotten better at it. It was just letting the other person hear what they wanted without making any promises.

Cadash had told the Wardens she could not make the unilateral decision to ban them from Orlais or Ferelden. That was up to the rulers of the countries in question, but she knew they needed to avoid Corypheus given his ability to control the taint within them. She advised they help the Inquisition in whatever capacity they were able. The Blights were still a threat to Thedas, no matter how far in the future it was. Cadash didn’t want those possible deaths on her shoulders, despite what everyone else thought. She had to shoulder enough death, the fate of the future generations was not one she wanted to carry. The old fortress was cleared out and Cadash wearily approached her mount. The adrenaline from the battle and rush to get her memories back was all gone and she was left with bone crushing exhaustion. It weighted her limbs and slowed her steps. Her body wanted the oblivion of sleep, but her mind wouldn’t rest and danced in circles. The horse, a wonderful cream-colored Ferelden pony, nuzzled at her neck in comfort. Cadash stroked her mane before hauling herself up on the saddle for the long trek back to camp.

She saw Hawke and Varric sitting together by the campfire as she approached, and she left them their time. Likely it would be the last time they saw each other until the business with the Inquisition was settled. Hawke had declared he would be heading off to Weisshaupt, which would be another separation for the friends. Weisshaupt was not a quick journey and Cadash had heard stories about the harsh clime there. The Inquisitor could never begrudge Varric time with his best friend, and she left her mount in the groom’s hands. Her bedroll beckoned her but every time she closed her eyes all she saw was the Warden’s acceptance of his fate. The guilt clawed at her like a ravenous wolf and Cadash found sleep eluding her.

Cadash sat overlooking the desert on the outskirts of the camp. The solitude was welcome after everything that happened. Her thoughts calmed but she knew that sleep would not come easily. Too much had happened and she didn’t think she’d forgive herself for the decision. There surely had to have been a way to save them both. The night seemed so peaceful despite the war that had raged viciously not even a few hours earlier. Cadash stared at the stars that seemed as restless as she. Her armor reeked of acrid smoke and the heavy stench of fear, leftover from the Fade. A shudder went through her body and she made a mental note to see if the blacksmith could help her forge a new set of armor. The thought of wearing the armor again, after everything that had happened was too much for her to handle. She knew Dagna would have no qualms helping her enchant the pieces again.

Her shoulders slumped as she stared at the midnight sky. The weight of her decision hit her with the strength of Bull’s swinging war hammer. The grief was bubbling inside her as she thought more about the Warden. His death would not be quick and she placed a hand over her eyes as the thoughts swirled chaotically. Tears burned at the edges of her eyes and she blinked furiously to keep them away. Tears were for the weak or for those who regretted their decisions. Cadash knew she didn’t have the luxury of regretting her decisions, yet. When Corypheus was defeated and the Breach closed, then Cadash could think back on her choices and let herself regret. Yet the lump lodged in her throat refused to budge and the burning in her chest was magnified. Tears slid down her cheeks, silent and unbidden.

“Inquisitor?” That voice, the one that refused to use her name. Cadash struggled to maintain her composure but it was useless. She forced the sob down and covered it up by clearing her throat. She didn’t have the energy for bantering, and she didn’t think she could keep her feelings in check anymore. Her grief was too strong, and she couldn’t keep the tears at bay. Not until she reached Skyhold again.

“Can it wait Varric? Please?” Self-loathing rushed through her at the crack in her voice and the whimper that broke from her chest. Cadash grabbed her upper arms with blinding strength as she tried to curl in on herself to staunch the silent tears. She heard the sound of his boots sifting through sand as he approached. The need to throw herself against him and let the grief loose sunk into her and her nails bit into the armor painfully to keep the urge in check. Her body ached to share the burden with someone else. Yet she knew it wouldn’t help to share with him. To him she was still just the Inquisitor. The bloody pedestal gave her a nosebleed from how high she was set on it. He’d likely expect pretty words from her like the others and she wasn’t the Inquisitor at the moment. She was just Cadash, the woman. The woman who was grieving for the man she’d known only a few short weeks. The one who had so much to live for, and yet had been sent to his death by her choice.

His hand settled on her shoulder and she turned her head away. To have _him_ offer the comfort she desperately needed was nothing short of torture. “Hey. I’m here.” Cadash closed her eyes tightly against the fresh wave of pain rolled over her. _For how long? Will you be leaving the Inquisition? Leaving me?_ That was a fear that lurked at the edges of her mind. Hawke was leaving for Weisshaupt, and Varric had no real reason to stay with the Inquisition. He’d made no formal agreement to help close the Breach other than not wanting to be ass deep in demons. Cadash knew her heart would shatter if Varric left, there would be no recovering from it. By the Stone she sounded pathetic, even to her own mind.

“I, appreciate the gesture Varric. But Hawke leaves when we get to Skyhold. Shouldn’t you be with him?” Cadash kept her face averted and didn’t see the look of shock pass over Varric’s face. She clenched her fist in the tough leather armor she wore, trying to keep the quiver from her voice. She wasn’t as successful as she hoped and her voice cracked.

“I wanted to check on you.” That damned fluttering again. Every time he hinted at caring about her, even as a friend, her blasted heart danced in her chest. It gave rise to the hope that one day he could see her as something more than Inquisitor Cadash. A fruitless hope, and one that would grind her heart to dust if she couldn’t stop it. Her tears welled up, blurring her vision. _Idiot._ She felt the air stir as his hand lifted. Her shoulders sagged as she realized he left. Crushing disappointment settled over her and her vision swam with fresh tears. She let the tears flow as she fixed her vision on the sand reflecting the moon’s glow. It helped to keep her thoughts focused on something, an anchor point.

Her body jerked as the blanket settled over her shoulders. Her head whipped around and she caught the melancholy look in Varric’s eyes as he smoothed the woolen cloth over her shoulders gently. “I’m not going with Hawke to Weisshaupt.” Varric told her as he settled down next to her on the rock. Her throat constricted as she tried to force out the question that whirled in her mind.

“Why?”

“I need to see this through to the end. Bartrand and I are why red lyrium is on the surface. And Corypheus is kind of my problem too. And it really doesn’t matter what happens at Weisshaupt if Corypheus is left to run free in Thedas.” Varric pushed a hand over the top of his head as he spoke. He looked out at the desert and Cadash wondered if he saw the same ethereal beauty she did. She stared out at the night, the misery still simmering below the surface. Yet, she couldn’t bear the thought of Varric in pain. He shouldered the blame for Corypheus and for red lyrium. Cadash shifted restlessly as she fought to find the words in her mind. Comforting someone had never been her strength, but she didn’t want to leave him in pain.

“It’s not your fault Varric. No one could have predicted that he had a way to cheat death.” Cadash kept her eyes focused ahead. The sheer weight of her burden would break her if she gave in to the urge to lean against him. “As for red lyrium? Kirkwall is a long way away from here. Somehow I don’t think it’s your fault that red lyrium appeared here _or_ at the Temple.”

“Hey, I’m the one that’s supposed to be helping you.” Varric chuckled and Cadash shook her head. She would always be there to help those that stayed with her. They were as much of her family as her _actual_ family. At least with this family she didn’t worry about getting a dagger in the back during dinner. She tilted her head back towards the sky as she closed her eyes as the gentle breeze brushed over her skin. She didn’t see Varric watching her or the look that passed over his face.

The careful way his eyes roamed over her profile. He noted the lines around her eyes and the deep worry lines in her forehead. The Inquisitor carried a heavy burden, he just hadn’t realized how much it affected her. She was always ready with a laugh or a hand if anyone else was in trouble. He forgot that she needed the same as anyone else. The moon reflected off her face and while he couldn’t call her beautiful in the traditional sense, Cadash had a way of drawing the eye back. The second or third time another part of her would stand out until all the person could see was how striking her eyes looked when they smiled or how full her lips looked when she was deep in thought. Varric jolted when he realized the direction of his thoughts and he shook himself mentally. When her eyes opened his eyes shuttered and he was back to normal.


	3. Chapter 3

Cadash regretted agreeing to help Varric with this personal favor. The urge to sigh was overwhelming as she thought back to how the whole thing started. The burden he carried regarding red lyrium was one she would be happy to help ease. She was not, however, prepared to see the woman there. The warmth that lit up the woman, _Bianca_ , as she saw Varric come forward had jealousy snarling in Cadash’s chest. Every ounce of will power she possessed was used to maintain the calm demeanor on the outside. On the inside, Cadash felt the crack in her heart and grief flood her body. She’d known Varric was unavailable but now the reality was presented to her in black and white. Listening to the banter between the two of them was one of the hardest things she’d ever accomplished, closing the Breach would be child’s play compared to listening to the obvious affection in Varric’s voice as he spoke to the other dwarf. Affection Cadash wished could be reserved for her. It would be her luck. First the Anchor, falling in love with a man who was head over heels for another, and the world ending.

They’d come here to help deal with this after finishing up at Adamant. Cadash was miserable, just plainly miserable. Loneliness had never been something she concerned herself with before. She’d always been perfectly happy with being on her own, Cadash had never felt the way she did for Varric about anyone else. She was getting a glimpse of what it could be like with him, and it was so far out of her reach. Maybe she should’ve taken Bull up on his offer when she’d asked him about qunari and sex.

His whole attitude changed when Bianca was around. Cadash didn’t have the courage to look at his face, but his body was relaxed as if the worries were all gone. His shoulders didn’t have that tension in them that he seemed to carry everywhere. He spoke more with his hands, the movements fluid and graceful. Sera looked down at Cadash and then glanced at Varric as they waited for Bianca to explain why they were there. Her eyes narrowed as understanding dawned. The elf leaned down until she was close to Cadash’s ear.

“Want me to put a snake in her cot?” Cadash clamped a hand over her mouth to keep the laugh in at the image Sera provoked. Cadash sent her an admonishing glance that was ruined by the merriment dancing in her eyes. Sera knew the right thing to say to cheer her up. It spoke to her inner petty side.

“No. That would be highly improper. Besides, do you really want to go looking for a snake down here?” Cadash murmured as she watched the other dwarves speaking in low tones. The conversation looked heated but Cadash had taken a step back to let Varric lead on it. Frustration bubbled within her at this inability to hear the conversation, but she’d made a promise to herself not to interfere and let him have this reunion. No matter how much it killed her to do it. This was his lover and Cadash would defer to his judgment, biased though it was.

“Point. I could always see if Dorian could summon something just as scaly.” Sera’s lips twisted into a devilish smile and the dwarven Inquisitor remembered just _why_ Sera was reigning prank queen of Skyhold. She shook her head, tucking in a strand of her coal black hair behind her ear. Sera would find something to needle at Bianca with, and would cite it as being loyal to Cadash. The dwarf loved Sera, and would gladly step into danger for her. She just wished that Sera wouldn’t meddle in this affair. She said as much to Sera who puffed out her cheeks in outrage before reluctantly agreeing, but she didn’t like anyone who hurt Cadash. The Inquisitor smiled warmly at Sera who sat on one of the manmade pillar formations that had broken off from years of abandonment. Knees drawn up to her chest, cheeks puffed out in full sulk, and arms crossed over her legs.

The Inquisitor sucked in a breath and prayed for strength before she strode over to the others, they’d had enough time to sort out their stuff. It was time to get on with this mission that Bianca had said was vital. She noticed the cool stare that Bianca sent her way. No doubt aware that Cadash came from a family of lyrium smugglers, little better than the Carta in her mind. The Inquisitor wouldn’t let a little thing like this woman’s opinion bother her. Hell, most of Thedas hated her guts and wanted her dead. A few had attempted to take her life. Getting through this one meeting with Varric’s lover should be a piece of cake. _Who do I think I’m kidding?_ Cadash went through the motions of being cordial to Bianca. She wanted this over with as quickly as possible.

Cadash wanted to stop being such a twit. She was nearing her fourth decade and she should be able to handle something like this. Yet, she was seething with jealousy on the inside. The easy camaraderie between the two was obvious and Sera quipped about them getting a room. It was as if a lance struck her and Cadash had to turn quickly to hide the hurt that no doubt showed on her face. The Inquisitor told Bianca she and her group were ready whenever she was. They followed and Cadash clenched her jaw as she suffered through the flirty banter. _Ugh._ Cadash felt her mood sour as she heard Varric laugh at a story they’d shared with each other.

“Are you all right Inquisitor?” Dorian murmured as he saw the tension in the dwarf. He had guessed that Cadash had feelings for Varric, but she’d hidden it well. He felt that he and the Inquisitor had grown closer since dealing with his family. Dorian liked the dwarf as she had a knack for getting along with everyone. Her memory was impressive and she’d surprised Dorian by reminding Josephine to order more of the Tevinter wine he preferred. Cadash cared about the people that were around her. As such, Dorian felt protective of the Inquisitor. She was definitely not happy but he respected her privacy too much to pry. He did, however, do his best to keep a rein on Sera. Mostly by threatening to summon a shadowy snake into her bed. The threat was enough to have the elf back down from whatever mischief was in her mind. He didn’t care to be stuck down in this dwarven ruin after Sera created bedlam, it was bad enough he was down there to begin with.

Cadash felt her stomach sink as the puzzle pieces fell into place. Bianca had been the one to give away the location. Varric had believed so much of it was _his_ fault, all the grief he’d carried around since the Temple of Ashes exploded had worn him down. Varric had been tormented by the belief he and his brother had brought red lyrium to the surface. And it _wasn’t_ his fault at all! Fury burned bright and hot inside of Cadash, but she struggled to keep a civil tongue in her head. Her pulse throbbed in her head as she struggled to remember that she swore a vow to remain neutral in this conflict. Varric still cared about this woman. The Inquisitor would keep her temper in check if it was possible to get useful information or a potential ally out of it, no matter how much she wanted to put her boot in the other dwarf’s ass.

“I just… I just wanted to figure it out.” Cadash felt her teeth gnash together but she gathered her thoughts. Disbelief warred with the fury as Cadash could hardly believe someone would be that selfish. Varric was still staring at Bianca with a mixture of horror and that soft feeling of love.

“What did you learn then? Putting so many at risk, what you found had best be worth it.” Cadash’s blue eyes iced over at the withering glance Bianca sent her. She ignored Varric’s mutter of protest. He’d had his chance to talk to Bianca and now it was _her_ turn. Cadash never wanted to have the fate and safety of Thedas in her hands, but now that it was she took her responsibility seriously. This woman endangered Ferelden with her reckless actions, and Cadash remembered the future from her time in Redcliffe. _That_ could never come to fruition.

“I learned that red lyrium has the Blight. It’s alive, or something like it. This changes everything.” Bianca explained hastily as she threw a desperate look at Varric. His face was closed and devoid of visible emotion. Cadash suspected a maelstrom of emotions was destroying him, but he couldn’t show it. “But I needed help, so I went to Janeka, a Grey Warden mage. The Blight and magic all in one package.” Bianca’s joking tone threatened to snap that leash Cadash had on her temper. She sounded so cavalier about putting the safety of farmers and villagers, innocents, at risk. Cadash felt the dull roar in her ears as her temper rose in her.

“You risked _countless_ lives because of that!?” Cadash blew up, her temper broke free from the iron band of her control. She only had so much patience. The other dwarf looked so pleased with herself. Varric snapped out of his reverie and stepped forward. “No.” He froze in surprise. Cadash never gave an order, at least not when off the battlefield. Rarely when it came to her companion’s personal issues, but she didn’t hesitate this time. Her steely blue eyes pinned Bianca where she stood. “You should _know_ better! The Blight spreads and sickens the land! Not to mention the people that live on it! The damage done by red lyrium is an unknown! I’ve seen what it can do if left unchecked! It destroys everything around it! We know the Blight sickness will go away given time, but do we know if the same holds true for red lyrium?” Cadash snapped at Bianca. The other dwarf opened her mouth to speak but Cadash shook her head. “No. You let me finish.” Bianca jumped slightly at the stern tone and Cadash seized the opportunity. “The people here in the Hinterlands are facing permanent homelessness because of the red lyrium. Not exactly hospitable farming land when the crazy, singing red stone is growing in your field!”

“Then you gave away a secret that was entrusted to you by Varric. Someone I thought you valued greatly, that you _loved._ You _knew_ how much keeping this a secret meant to Varric, yet you tossed it aside the first chance you got. And all in the name of learning? Don’t make me laugh! You don’t get it at all, you selfish nug.” Cadash’s lip curled and Varric stepped forward.

“Inquisitor.” He put his hand on her shoulder and she snapped out of her temper. Cadash jerked her shoulder away from Varric. The startling realization of what she’d said slapped her back to reality and she stepped back. Mortification began to overshadow her temper and the need to flee overtook her.

“We’ll be waiting at the landing.” Cadash stormed off towards the landing, Sera and Dorian at her heels. Fleeing from the betrayal that was sure to be on Varric’s face, and from the humiliation of losing her temper like that. Both sent Bianca a glare before they hurried after Cadash. They sat at the landing and waited for Varric. Her friends could tell Cadash didn’t want to talk but they also didn’t want to leave her alone.

“You okay Inky?” Sera looked over and noted the slumped shoulders and the head that was lowered. She looked broken. Glassy blue eyes stared at the floor as Cadash was lost to her thoughts. Sera had seen that look before, in some of the elves in the alienage. The ones that had their spirits broken, and didn’t want to continue on. Panic filled her and she anxiously reached out to Cadash. “Cadash?” The dwarf jerked and looked up at Sera, the hurt passing over her face. It twisted something in Sera to see Cadash so miserable.

“Sorry. Lost in my own thoughts. I’m not okay Sera, but I will be. I just, I just need some time I think.” Cadash smiled gently at Sera who nodded. Sera knew it would be better, Cadash was strong. The Inquisitor took what Thedas threw at her and kept right on plowing through. Though the Red Jenny suspected that at the end of this whole thing Cadash would need someone to be there as she finally broke.

“Right. Here he comes.” Sera grumbled and they both stood as Varric joined them. He didn’t say anything and they respected his need for privacy as they headed to the camp near the lake. Varric wasn’t responsible for Bianca’s actions, but Cadash wondered if he still took the blame for it. Chosen because it had a serene, calming effect on everyone. Cadash noticed Varric standing on the ledge just on the outskirts of the camp, overlooking the valley of the Hinterlands. The fighting that had taken place only a few short months ago seemed like the distant past. The damage was still there, in the charred earth and remaining ice spikes, but there was an untamed beauty to it. The Hinterlands rarely kowtowed to any mistress, least of all a war between mages and templars. It had survived the Blight, an undead army, and would continue to persevere beyond their time. Yet, Cadash worried the red lyrium would be the death of such beautiful land.

She stood next to Varric, her hands clasped behind her back, content to remain standing in silence. Cadash wasn’t one for filling silences, and had a decent ability to read people. Her gut told her that Varric didn’t truly want to be alone, but she was unsure if he’d want her company. She _did_ mouth off to his girlfriend, however much the other dwarf deserved it, and he’d likely be furious with her. Cadash didn’t regret her words to Bianca, but she did regret hurting Varric with how harsh she’d been.

“I knew Bianca loved mysteries.” The voice she loved hearing, loved telling tales was hoarse from grief. It sounded like he was keeping himself in check. Cadash nodded and kept her eyes focused on the horizon. He needed to get this out, and she was more than willing to lend him an ear and shoulder. No matter how pathetic that made her. “I never guessed how deep the obsession went. Yeah, we figured out something about the red lyrium.” His shoulders heaved with a weary sigh. “But at what cost? I warned her what that shit did. I _told_ her to stay away. She ignored my repeated warnings and got close to it! And opened the way for Corypheus and his goons to get their hands on it. Sorry just doesn’t cut it anymore!”

His fist clenched as he pictured the worst-case scenarios in his mind. Dorian had told him about that trip to the future he and Cadash had gone on. The red lyrium growing out of people had alarmed him, but Cadash refused to talk about it. Redcliffe castle covered in red lyrium had been enough to set him into a near panic. He kept picturing the red lyrium taking over Skyhold, or the castle exploding just as the Temple of Sacred Ashes did. One gave him pause as it punched the breath out of him. It was red lyrium claiming the Inquisitor. Her body encased in it, one arm outstretched towards him in warning. Her vivid blue eyes blank and glowing red from within. As if a fire burned behind them. Panic clawed at his chest at the thought of it. It wasn’t Bianca’s face he was picturing in his nightmares, it was Cadash’s. Varric wasn’t sure if it was the vision or the fact his worst fear was seeing the Inquisitor getting claimed by red lyrium instead of Bianca.

“I never thought she’d put so many people in danger for her own selfish reasons. Yes, I am glad we found out red lyrium was alive. Major victory there.” He ran a hand through his hair. “But the cost was too high. Just way too high.” He put a hand over his face as the grief threatened to overtake him. His words to Bianca after the Inquisitor had left haunted him. Her words had opened his eyes and he realized just how deep the betrayal had gone with Bianca. “I had to end our relationship. Almost twenty years we’ve been together, but she’s become someone I can’t recognize anymore. Bonus, I guess, is the Merchant’s Guild won’t send assassins after me for this at least.” Warm arms slid around his waist and a warm body settled against his back. Her cheek rested just below his shoulders as she embraced him from behind.

“I’ll watch over you.” Her words opened the floodgates, silent as they were. Simple words but the wealth of meaning behind them broke what little grasp he had on the grief. Twenty years of grief spilled out and he mourned the loss of something constant. Bianca had been a steady rock, even if they were leagues apart. He’d always known she was there. Now that was gone. Being adrift was never a comfortable feeling for Varric and he scrambled for a landline. Hawke was gone, Bartrand was in an asylum, and now Bianca was gone. The one he reached out to was standing with him, and she was real. Cadash had always listened without judgment to his troubles and had been a supporting shoulder when the burdens seemed too heavy. Her timing was almost uncanny. Always appearing when he needed her the most with a ready smile and whatever was needed to help heal. Yet, she never asked for anything in return. Cadash never burdened anyone with her problems, and shouldered them alone. Something rolled over in his chest, but he didn’t have the energy to analyze anything at the moment. He let her quiet strength and comfort wash away the tears.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I flip flopped the balcony scene. I know Morrigan is supposed to be first but that didn't work for this.

Cadash blew out an impatient breath as she heard the insinuations floating around the Orlesian ballroom like moths flitting about in the night. _Orlesians._ She thought as she rolled her eyes, always the ones to think they were above everyone else. Yet when it came down to it, they had more skeletons in the closet than the commoners. Sometimes literally. Cadash had many run ins with the nobility, they were the ones who had the secret mage or templar lovers after all. Her family had contracts with at least three families in attendance, though they’d play the part of perfect strangers. Cadash spotted the _Comtess de Cygne_ with her lover that happened to be some low-ranking chevalier, if the regalia on his doublet was to be believed. The _Comte_ would be ever so interested in that bit of news. The man would let his wife take whatever lover she wanted, but his condition was her lover be of noble stock. Cadash mentioned it to Leliana, who’s eyes lit up in anticipation at the info and how well Cadash was playing The Game. She and Josephine had been worried but Cadash’s natural charisma dazzled the Orlesian nobles in attendance. It appeared that a few knew her as well, judging by the sly glances sent her way.

“If I didn’t know any better Inquisitor, I would swear you knew how to play the Grand Game without Josephine’s coaching.” Leliana’s lips curved into a knowing smile as Cadash flashed her a roguish grin. “Perhaps this won’t be as tedious as we thought.” Cadash left her to her observations and explored the area. The Inquisitor knew how to play the game, but it did not equal enjoying it. Cadash still despised the maneuvering and cloak and dagger the nobles pretended not to notice. She had her own mission, and puffed out an irritated breath when she realized she had to climb up a trellis. _Only Orlesian humans would make it so I had to climb up some sodding plants in the full view of Empress Celene’s simpering army of spies._ Cadash heaved a sigh and climbed up to the landing. Her foot slipped a time or two and she panicked and clung to the trellis each and every time. She got her mission over and done with quickly, clucking her tongue in disgust at the killing of innocents. It made her furious at how little the nobility saw elves and dwarves. They only saw themselves and saw everyone else as expendable.

She made a point of going around and talking to the companions she brought with her, and giving Leliana the salacious gossip she’d gathered about the nobles. She and Josephine would have a field day utilizing the information to gain more favors for the Inquisition. Cadash headed down to the garden area to get some air, with a heaping side of solitude, and saw Varric being attended by a circle of masked humans. Warmth bloomed in her chest as she saw the smile on his face. She had to chuckle at the picture they made. Varric was the center of attention, as per usual, and the humans were captivated. He was likely telling a story full of embellishments. Cadash wished she could hear the conversation but she settled for observing. All that complaining about politics and nobles, and yet, he slid right in among their number. Cadash hesitated a step as uncertainty crept up in her mind. After that afternoon in the Hinterlands camp, Varric had changed. He was still jovial, ready with a quip, and all around sarcastic dwarf but there were times she’d catch him staring into the distance with an unmistakable sadness in his eyes. Cadash had seen the shadows in his eyes, and she resolved to make sure she was there for him. She didn’t want to pressure Varric, that was the last thing she wanted. She just wanted to make him happy, even if that meant he would never be hers.

The Inquisitor pushed down her own feelings as she tried to help and support her friend. She’d hidden her feelings for him for this long, and the Inquisition wouldn’t last forever. They’d go back to their own lives, and Cadash would learn to live with the loneliness. She’d go on as she always did. Though she did wonder if she’d ever be content to go back to the Cadash family. It would be quite a demotion. Going from leading the Inquisition to battling against her siblings and her parents’ siblings for control over the Cadash family.

“Inquisitor.” Varric caught her attention as she headed over to them. Cadash murmured greetings to the nobles and spoke with them warmly. She answered their questions with just enough cheek to have them laughing at her spirit. Cadash knew that nobles liked it when insults and barbs were smothered in charm, so that it what she delivered to them. They left twittering accolades about the Inquisitor’s charm and she turned to look at Varric. His eyes were intense, and the look sent butterflies dancing in her stomach. It disappeared in a flash, making her think she’d imagined it.

“Looks like you’re fitting in well down here.” Cadash smiled at him as he grimaced.

“I have to have a talk with my publisher. They told me that Orlais wasn’t a good market, but these nobles wanted my autograph. And quoted lines from my books.” Varric grumbled as Cadash brought her fist up to her mouth to stifle the laughter. He looked so grumpy it was almost cute, but she knew Varric would bristle good-naturedly at being called _cute_.

“Well, I can always ask Leliana or Josephine to send along a word too.” Her eyes twinkled with mischief as she looked at him.

“Nah. Send Curly. One good thing that he’s got going for him, he knows how to put on a good intimidating show.” Cadash gave in and laughed at the image of the commander standing outside a publishing house in Kirkwall with the force of the Inquisition behind him. Her whole face relaxed and Varric sucked in a breath at the picture. She seemed younger when she laughed like that, with her guard down. Cadash was a careful woman, her guard was rarely down. A warm throbbing started in his chest as she got her composure back together. He found he liked seeing her with her guard down, it showed the amount of trust she had in him.

“Are you insinuating that Cullen is only good for his looks?” Varric’s lips twitched with the urge to reply when the bell rang. Cadash tensed and he could have cursed the Orlesians. She was finally letting loose, and enjoying herself. Now she was Inquisitor Cadash again. Varric missed the laughing woman from earlier, he wondered if he could ever coax her back out again. Then he shook himself out of that notion and speculated about his reasons for thinking like that.

“And duty calls. I’d best head back to the grand ballroom before Josephine sends the entire Inquisition to find me.” Cadash rolled her shoulders and Varric looked over at her. He wondered how much weight her shoulders had to carry. He’d made quips before about how important she was to Thedas, and how people viewed her. He just never really _thought_ about how much she truly did have on her shoulders. He opened his mouth to speak when Bull poked his head in and jerked his thumb towards the stairs. Cadash grimaced and nodded at the warrior. “Right. I’m on my way.” She headed towards the stairs but paused and turned her head to give him a smile and a wave before she headed upstairs. His stomach sank as dread rushed through him, a deafening ringing in his ears joined it as he watched her go. Something was going to happen, he just didn’t know what.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“The star of the party is out here by herself? Get tired of all the pomp and circumstance Inquisitor?” Varric grinned at her as he joined her on the side piazza. Cadash looked up at him as he joined her, the smile on her face strained from the events of the evening. She turned to look at the sky again, and he realized something was wrong. Her eyes had that look in them from after Adamant. It was a look that sent ice down his spine. “What’s wrong?”

“Just tired I guess.” Cadash murmured as she saw two shadowy figures slip away from the party. Cadash recognized them and she smiled as she saw Dorian and Bull slipping away for some alone time. It was so romantic but she was envious at the same time. She turned her head to give them privacy and looked back up at the stars.

“That’s to be expected but I don’t think that’s all. If you don’t wanna talk about it, I’m not going to pry. But I am here to listen.” Varric told her as he sidled up next to her at the railing. He felt her shoulders slump and heard the weary sigh that escaped her. How many people did she have to share _her_ burdens with? She was always there for them with an open ear and a ready dagger if the situation called for it, but did Cadash have anyone she could lean on during the tough times? He couldn’t remember her sharing any of it with the members. She’d tell them what happened after a mission, but that was just the results. Varric didn’t recall anything about Cadash sharing her feelings about it.

“Am I making the right decisions? Why do they leave these choices to _me_ to make? I’m a dwarf from the Free Marches, the eldest daughter of one of the Cadash family branches. I’m a nobody that’s from a family that is one step above Carta.” Cadash sighed and rested her chin on her fist. “Yet here we are. Making decisions on the fate of Orlais and I just hope I am doing the right thing.” Varric watched her face as she spoke. She wasn’t speaking for sympathy, but with resolution. She’d made the decisions and was living with the consequences. Her questions were rhetorical.

“I think you are.” He decided to give her an answer anyway. She deserved to know that she was not alone and that someone was there for her. Varric put his hand on her lower back almost automatically. He noted her body tensed for a moment before relaxing. Warmth flooded his chest as his heart sped up, he could feel her body heat through the ridiculous outfits they wore. “Right now, you’re the one who seems to have their shit together the most. Orlais certainly hasn’t. So, they look to you because you’re an outsider, which is _perfect_ for making a decision. You have no horse in this race.” Varric told her as he watched her reaction. He could tell she didn’t quite buy his explanation but was going to let it pass.

“I hope you’re right and that I’m not making a colossal mistake.” Cadash chuckled drily as she turned to give him a reassuring smile. An urge bubbled up in his chest and his hand reached up to brush the hair from her cheek. Cadash started in surprise and opened her mouth to speak when he leaned in. He could feel her warm skin only inches from his lips when a voice interrupted. Heat tightened in his belly and frustration cut him with a razor-sharp edge as he pulled back.

“Do you tire so quickly of their congratulations Inquisitor? ‘Tis most fickle after all your efforts on their behalf.” The smooth voice snapped Cadash out of her trance. She stepped back from Varric, her face flushing red as Celene’s arcane advisor stepped out onto the balcony. His hand dropped from her face as she stepped back. Cadash bit down on the frustration in her own body, she needed Morrigan to be on their side.

“After this all blows over Inquisitor, we’ll have to play a game of Wicked Grace. Maybe back at Skyhold.” He tossed her a roguish grin before he disappeared back into the ballroom. Cadash watched him go with a heart heavy with confusion and disappointment. The emotions snuffed out before she turned to Morrigan. No need giving the witch any reason to report back to Celene about weaknesses with the Inquisitor.

“I do apologize if I interrupted something of import Inquisitor. ‘Twas not my intention.” Morrigan murmured as she saw the dwarf mentally shake herself. Cadash turned to look up at Morrigan with a shuttered face, a talent Morrigan admired in people. It was a good defense against those who would use any advantage they could gain, and it took a true master to conceal anything other than neutrality.

“It is fine Morrigan, correct?” Morrigan inclined her head. “I heard you were to accompany us to Skyhold on Empress Celene’s behest?” Morrigan chuckled and nodded once again. “Or should I say, Celene wants to keep an eye on the Inquisition.”

“Not at all Inquisitor. I may be on the Empress’s court, but I am most assuredly _not_ her puppet. The hole in the sky threatens all of us, so I am going to accompany you as a sort of advisor.” Morrigan explained and Cadash nodded.

“All right. We leave tomorrow afternoon. Once I sober up the troops.” Cadash chuckled darkly at the prospect of rousing a hungover Sera from her bed. Morrigan chuckled and bowed slightly to Cadash before leaving her alone on the balcony to her thoughts.


	5. Chapter 5

Cadash was busy when they made it back to Skyhold. She had to settle Morrigan into Skyhold and there were several loose ends to tie up in Thedas. The eluvian was impressive and Cadash had to reassure more than a few people that it was fine to have in Skyhold. Mostly Curly and Buttercup, everyone else was uneasy with the mirror but not as much as those two. The woman barely had time to eat a meal, let alone catch up with her companions. Yet, Varric watched as she helped Vivienne out with a personal favor. They were back at Skyhold again, and she’d been to see everyone else but him. It was beginning to grate on his nerves, but he couldn’t figure out why. That almost kiss at Halamshiral played through his mind and he had to wonder what he was thinking. The sting from Bianca’s betrayal was still fresh, not even three months had passed, but Varric found that he felt at ease when Cadash was around. The sting was lessened when he was talking to her and he began to look for her when he was in the main hall. Her laugh would drag his attention from whatever task he was doing to search for her.

Varric had wondered how she felt about what happened between them. Ever since Valammar, she’d kept a professional distance between them. Varric watched as she spoke with Josephine in the great hall, the smile guarded as usual but there was amusement twinkling in her eyes. He caught snippets of the conversation and found it was due to Sera’s pranking the nobles. He chuckled at the way the Inquisitor danced around Josephine’s ire while poorly hiding her own amusement at Sera’s antics. Cadash made her way over to Varric and he tried hard not to think about how her eyes sparkled with leftover merriment. He also refused to acknowledge how his heart sped up when she was near him.

The smile was still there as she approached, but he saw the minute her expression became guarded. Irritation bubbled up in him, he couldn’t get past that wall. She paused in front of the fire and blew out a sigh as she heard her name being called again. She looked at him with a silent plea but he held up his hands as the drenched noble came storming over. This was one he _wasn’t_ stepping in. Cadash smoothed the ruffled feathers and Varric watched her work. She had a way of talking that mollified and stroked the ego while not promising a damn thing. It was all _I’ll look into it_ or _I am terribly sorry, I will get one of my advisors to look into it._ Cadash also had an uncanny knack for finding out what nobles liked and had small gifts sent to them afterwards. That went a _long_ way towards pacifying them. She did the same with her companions. Varric remembered the day she found that salve that Bull wanted for his horns and had a case shipped to him. He thought the qunari warrior would pledge his life to the Inquisitor. The noble scurried off with one of the maids and Cadash turned to face him with a weary smile. Her eyes had tired lines at the edges as she blew out a pent-up breath.

“You ready for that game of Wicked Grace?” Varric grinned at her in an attempt to ease some of that exhaustion. She turned to him and he saw the weariness leave her eyes and shoulders. A warmth filled her eyes as she smiled.

“So long as you promise to take it easy on me.” Cadash chuckled as he muttered something about no promises. They walked over to the Herald’s Rest after most of the nobles retired for the night. His fingers itched to brush against her back as they walked towards the tavern. He had the overwhelming urge to touch her more lately, it had intensified after Halamshiral. He’d resisted after seeing how she retreated from him after that almost kiss. A few of the companions joined them for the game, but Varric refused to let his annoyance show. They got the Seeker and Curly to join them, and that already proved to be entertaining. Cadash sat across from him at the table, already pulled into a conversation with Josephine. He found himself wanting her attention to himself. Ale was flowing and everyone was having a good time.

“So, any interesting stories from you Inquisitor?” Cassandra turned to Cadash who choked a bit on her ale. She laughed and shook her head with a breezy wave of her hand. She certainly had no stories that she could tell this lot. They’d _never_ let her live it down.

“Why not let our resident storyteller regale us? I’m sure Varric has many stories.” Cadash smiled at Varric as the passed the buck to him. It made him wonder what kind of stories she _did_ have. He’d had to pull it out of her sooner or later, and found that the idea was more pleasing than he would have thought. He took a sip of his ale and told the story of Hawke, Tallis, and Duke Gaspard.

“That seems fitting.” Josephine laughed as he finished the story. Josephine and Cullen began to bet as Cullen claimed he knew Josephine’s tells. Cadash _should_ have warned him that an Antivan never revealed their tells, just what you _thought_ the tells were. She chose to remain close lipped and folded to watch the party. Cullen was stubborn when he thought he was right after all. Josephine had won enough of her coin that night. The ale hummed along her blood, giving her a pleasant buzz as she watched Josephine beat the pants off of the Commander. Literally.

“Don’t say a word dwarf.” Cadash struggled desperately not to laugh at Cullen’s growl, she put her hand over her mouth in a hasty bid to hide the laughter. Varric was not so restrained and spoke with merriment in his eyes.

“I tried to warn you Curly.” Cullen glared at Varric and then at Josephine as she chuckled and added her own advice about not betting against an Antivan.

Cassandra mentioned not wanting to watch the Commander’s walk of shame, but Cadash had to agree with Dorian. _Well, I do._ The Commander was a fine-looking man, if one went for humans, and the thought popped into her mind of it being Varric making the run of shame. Her face flushed red and she left the table to allow the Commander some privacy for what would undoubtedly be an ungraceful exit. She heard Bull cheering in the background and the sharp scrape of the chair against wooden floor, she snorted in laughter as she heard a surprised shriek from outside the tavern. No doubt they’d have to make apologies in the morning for whomever was treated to a naked view of the Commander. Or maybe not. There were quite a few ladies interested in the man after the ball.

“This is hardly a laughing matter Inquisitor.” Cassandra attempted to sound scolding but it was ruined by the chortles that spilled out of her. The two women collapsed into giggles about the image the imposing Commander Cullen presented. Cassandra left to help Josephine to the castle and Cadash stared at the fire. She was happy and her worries were at the back of her mind for once. Varric stepped up beside her as she stared in the fire. Her sapphire eyes warmed at his approach and her lips curved in a smile.

“This was fun. We should do it again.” Varric nodded and glanced over his shoulder as Bull helped Sera up off the floor. Knowing Cadash, she’d feel obligated to help the girl to her bed. Bull caught his eye and flashed him a knowing grin. He jerked his head towards the door as if telling him to go for it. Without giving himself a chance to think about it, Varric offered to walk her back to the main hall. Cadash blinked in surprise at his sudden offer but her face broke into a beaming smile.

Cadash couldn’t pinpoint what exactly made her accept the offer but there was certainly no reason for her to decline. Varric was mostly silent on the walk back but Cadash certainly didn’t mind. The alcohol had left a languid warmth spreading through her. It wasn’t enough for her to have a hangover but she had a pleasant buzz. She hadn’t been so relaxed in a long time. They made it up to the steps and Cadash headed over to the fireplace after being blasted by frigid mountain air. She felt Varric walk up beside her and she shivered, and it wasn’t just from the cold.

Alcohol loosened her tongue and she knew this from several past embarrassments. It made keeping herself in check more difficult than normal. Cadash found her thoughts heating up and wandering. Being near him was akin to torture, she wanted to run her hands over his arm or over his chest. Arousal sent tendrils of heat curling in her belly as she felt him step up next to her. Their shoulders brushed and Cadash bit the inside of her cheek to keep the blush off her cheeks. She had sworn a promise to herself that she wouldn’t push. There were more pressing matters than becoming romantically involved with someone. That was what she told herself on the stretch of lonely nights up in her quarters. That moment in Halamshiral, where she’d been sure Varric was going to kiss her. It haunted her more than she cared to admit. She wanted to ask him about it, but then everything felt like it had hit the fan when they’d gotten back to Skyhold. Cadash just never had the time to ask him about it. Her own insecurities also kept her from asking as the sting of rejection was not something she wanted to experience.

“Tonight, was just what we needed after the bullshit that was Halamshiral. Thanks Varric.” Cadash shot him a grin but she paused when she saw the look on his face. She noted his brows drawn together and the intensity of his gaze at the fireplace. It appeared as if he was contemplating every misdeed he’d ever committed in the past. “Everything okay?” Her hand began to reach out for his shoulder but she remembered her vow and closed her fist before dropping it back to her side. Touching him would be out of the question when she was like this. It would only lead to uncomfortable conversations and mortification. She wouldn’t be able to stop if she touched him now, and she wasn’t sure of her welcome.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?” Cadash started at his sudden question. Her body turned to face him as she spoke, she was worried she’d crossed a line somewhere. Her mind was whirling with the possibilities about what it could be.

“You avoid touching me.” Varric turned as he spoke, his eyes meeting hers. A lump formed in her throat at the anger she saw in his face. She didn’t want to make him angry, but she didn’t know how to answer him. “You don’t do that with anyone else, but me.” She felt light headed as the blood rushed from her head. “Why is that Inquisitor?” Varric shifted closer to her and she swallowed nervously. The world was closing in on her. Her heart raced at his proximity, her fingers itched to reach out and soothe the lines in his face. She wanted to assure him it wasn’t because she didn’t like him, but the words died on her tongue.

“Well, I. Ah. I didn’t want to bring up bad memories you know?” It sounded pathetic to her ears. She winced as he stiffened.

“That is bullshit and you know it. Now why do you go out of your way to avoid physical contact with me?” Cadash felt the table hit her back and realized she was caged in. His hands rested on the table on either side of her and Cadash felt heat creep into her face. She was boxed in, in more ways than one. Cadash shifted but knew there was no escape, her eyes met his as she struggled to come up with a reply that wouldn’t damn her. She began to understand the human saying of _stuck between a rock and a hard place._

“Come on Inquisitor. Out with it.” He lifted one hand and stroked her cheek with the backs of his fingers. She wanted to lean into the touch. It was as if her world narrowed to center on the feel of those fingers, often stained with ink, against her skin. For once, she decided to throw what she deemed her good sense to the wind. Lay her cards on the table and if he rejected her, she’d just have to pick up the pieces and continue on.

“I don’t because then I would know what it would feel like.” Cadash rushed over in her words and Varric’s eyes widened at her answer. He hadn’t expected her to answer, but he wasn’t going to question his good fortune.

“That doesn’t explain anything.” Varric inched closer until their bodies brushed. He felt her body heat through their clothes, and caught a whiff of her scent. Earth and a darker, more sultry scent that was just her. He could get addicted to it. His eyes caught the pulse fluttering rapidly in her neck, and the red flush on her face. She was flustered and it would have been amusing if he wasn’t so aroused. He couldn’t fully blame the ale he’d had earlier. It had always been there, simmering under the surface of their professional relationship. Control was slippery and he needed the answers from her.

Cadash blew out a puff of air. Those eyes of hers, quick to fill with amusement or anger, caught his. Confusion and arousal warred in their depths, bluer than the sky over Skyhold. She needed to give him the real answer, and then lay her cards out on the table. “I didn’t want to get close. I’ve had feelings for you since the beginning Varric. I knew, _know_ , you had feelings for her. I knew it was just going to be torture if I let myself get close to you.” Cadash rushed and then winced after it was all out. It really was mortifying to get it all out in the open, just like she thought. She raised a hand to her face to hide the blush she knew would be on her face. “So, I didn’t. I kept away to keep myself in check. I never wanted you to feel uncomfortable.”

“Cadash.” Varric began as he saw her cringe away. He kept his voice gentle as he spoke, touched by her words. He brought his hands up to grab her wrist and pull her hand away from her face. He saw the mist of tears in her eyes and panic hit him. This woman was so strong, she never cried. To think he was the one who brought the tears on, it was a sharp lance to his heart. He raised his hand to her face and his thumb brushed away the tears. “You could never make me uncomfortable. Not you.” He leaned in and pressed his lips to her forehead. The need to comfort overshadowed arousal. “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry? For what?” Cadash shook her head at his apology. He had no reason to be sorry. She was the one who went and made it all awkward by laying her feelings out on the table like she did.

“For not seeing you sooner.” His hand slid to cup her cheek. Her eyes darted over his face nervously before she leaned into his touch. Her hand came up and covered the back of his. She was content, he could see it in her face. Since the beginning he’d seen the edges of worry in her face. The sound of a door slamming shut jerked her out of the reverie. He tamped down on the disappointment as she tried to step away, but she had no escape.

“Probably not the best place to talk.” Cadash flashed him a lopsided smile. The main hall wasn’t exactly private. Her heart thundered in her chest as she gathered up her courage. She never invited anyone to her quarters. Only her advisors were free to come up there, and they only did so for business purposes. “But I know somewhere the is.” Varric’s eyes widened in surprise as he understood the implications.

“Are you sure?” Cadash nodded and held out a hand to him. He slid his alongside hers, surprised at how strong her grip was. He expected the callouses, the scars, but he hadn’t expected her to have that kind of strength. Varric called himself a fool, he should have known she was strong. Cadash was always at the front of the battlefield and the first to call the battle cry. He let her lead the way to the door that lead to her private quarters.


	6. Chapter 6

“So, these are the quarters of the illustrious Inquisitor.” Varric teased as they reached the top of her stairs. “I expected more gold.” Varric took in the quarters that spoke of quiet luxury. The décor was dwarven mixed with Free Marches, Varric swore it almost reminded him of home. Yet there was little of personal note in the rooms. He’d expected the Inquisitor to have a few mementos from home. It struck him how lonely she must be, stuck in the position she’d literally been thrown into.

“Josephine wanted more gold inlay, but I fought hard against it. I told her I’d write to a Ferelden contact and get a Mabari _and_ Denerim castle banners.” Cadash grinned as Varric pictured the look on the ambassador’s face after that declaration. As much as Josephine respected the Fereldens, he knew they had too many Orlesian nobles visiting for it to go unremarked upon. The ambassador knew the Inquisitor rarely made a threat she did not fully intend to back up. He returned the grin as he knew Ruffles would’ve been furious as she backed down. He watched her as she moved around, picking up some stray papers around her desk. His eyes spied a doorway that led to what appeared to be a closet, but instead he found a bathing room.

“Oh! Wait!” Cadash took a step towards him as he stared at the stone tub that was already filled with steamy water. He turned his head and then inclined it. She’d kept this a secret and grinned at the sheepish flush on her face.

“Keeping secrets Inquisitor?” She had the grace to flush and rubbed the back of her neck as she grinned nervously at him. Her smile trembling just a bit from the strain of keeping her laughter in check. This was the easy camaraderie he wanted with her.

“Just that one.” Cadash flashed him a smile but it didn’t reach her eyes. She was uncertain of how to proceed now that the humor was wearing off.

“Cadash.” She flinched and held up her hand, the one the Anchor was embedded in. His hand brought it to him, studying the eerie green light that seemed to be emitted from it. The mark was spreading, he noted it was up to her wrist now. The first time he’d seen it, the light and green lines were only in the palm of her hand. His eyes lifted to her face as he kept her hand in his. “It’s spreading.”

“Yeah.” The one word beat against him like the waves on the Storm Coast. Varric felt the ground move under him and the nausea as well. He didn’t know what the Anchor did to her, but it had once been extremely painful. He saw her mouth turn down as she struggled to find the words. “It’s spreading. I don’t know if it will ever stop. Even closing the Breach may not end it.” Cadash tilted her head as a melancholy look passed over her face. Her eyes looked haunted as she stared at the green light. Varric didn’t like the emotion there, it spoke of an acceptance of her fate. As if she fully expected to die at the end of this.

“Does it hurt?” Varric saw the internal war and tightened his grip reassuringly. He could take whatever the answer was, no matter what she gave.

“Sometimes.” Cadash admitted. Varric suspected it was deeper than that, but he wasn’t willing to push her for answers she clearly wasn’t ready to give. He wanted her to fully trust him, but he suspected it was that she didn’t trust herself. Instead he would content himself with what she was willing to give. He certainly hadn’t given her much reason to trust in him.

“Now I have to ask.” Varric murmured as he watched her body tense in preparation. “Why me? I’m not exactly anyone’s idea of a prize.” Her head jerked in surprise and she regarded him with eyes that were wary. Confusion clouded them as she thought about her answer.

“Varric. You have strength. Not just in your body but strength of spirit.” He opened his mouth to protest but a quick shake of her head closed it. “Cassandra all but told you to sod off in the beginning. You felt like it was your fault, your responsibility. There aren’t many men in this world who would think the same. They’d take the out given to them and leave without a look back.” She stared down at her hand that was still in his grasp. The green light pulsing with its own beat, it certainly wasn’t synced up to her heartbeat. “You maintained your humor, strength, and heart throughout this whole mess. Don’t think Leliana hasn’t been giving me reports about those letters and funds to Kirkwall.” Cadash sent him a teasing smile as he felt the heat creep up his neck.

“I made her stop. It was an invasion of your privacy. Well, I made her stop telling me. I don’t know if she actually stopped going through your correspondence.” Cadash chuckled. She didn’t think Leliana would go _that_ far. “You are an anchor in the maelstrom that is my life. I went from daughter of lyrium smugglers to head and icon of a human religious organization tasked with saving Thedas from one of the greatest threats ever presented. All in the span of a _week._ I was going out of my mind with all the chaos and decisions that were suddenly on my shoulders. Yet there you were, just offering a game of Wicked Grace or a story.”

“It became my solace. _You_ became my solace and then I got to know the man behind the mask.” Cadash tugged her hand free and walked over to the window. He watched her go with cautious eyes. She’d felt all of this since the beginning? He was an idiot, a blind idiot. Her eyes caught his and she shook her head. “No. I already know what you’re thinking. You can’t dismiss your feelings for Bianca that easily. Did I hate her? Yes. From the first moment, I saw her in Skyhold, I despised the very air she breathed.” Cadash’s face softened in a wistful look as she stared at the snowcapped mountains. “She had the one thing I wanted. How could I _not_ hate her? But you loved her and I would rather bite off my tongue than hurt you Varric.” Surprise rocked him to his core, the breath left his lungs. The depth of her feelings was unexpected. He’d never had a clue. Oh, he had a feeling she enjoyed flirting with him, but she also flirted with Bull and Sera so he’d never put any stock into it. Memories crept into his mind. Bull and Dorian getting together and Cadash keeping everything to strict humor and no flirting. Sera and Dagna becoming an item and Cadash refraining from flirting again. Then… He realized she’d stopped flirting with him when they’d met up with Bianca. Cadash didn’t go where she wasn’t welcome, and she’d view his complicated situation with Bianca as a big not welcome here sign.

“Cadash.” Varric joined her by the window as she stared out. “I.” Her finger came up and cut him off. His eyes widened in surprise.

“Look. I get it. I get run-of-the-mouth-itis when I drink. I didn’t mean to dump on you Varric.” Blue eyes, the color of precious gems, begged him to remain silent. His eyes narrowed and he grabbed her wrist.

“Cadash. Look.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I don’t know quite what I feel. Twenty years with Bianca and I was comfortable with my feelings, but when I look at you.” Varric stared at her. “I look at you and it’s different. It’s not comfortable.” Her wince struck him. “No. I’m messing all of this up.” Varric ran a hand through his hair out of frustration. “You’d think an author would have words to spare? Maybe. But not when they count, and these count.” She shifted towards him in surprise, her posture unguarded for once.

“Cadash. I’m not ready to put a name to what’s between us, but I care about you. I care about you a lot so... Let’s see where it goes. I’m willing to find out, are you?” He lurched in surprise as he saw the tears well in her eyes. Her lips curved into a smile.

“All right. I’d love to see where this goes Varric.” Cadash wiped the tears with her palms and laughed weakly as he stepped forward. He brushed away the tears and cupped her cheeks. Gentle pressure from his hands had her face tilting up towards his. The barest hint of his lips against hers sent a shudder through her. Her hands rested on top of his as he deepened the kiss and sank into her. Warmth swept through him as her scent and taste settled in him. Sweet with the earthy tones of the ale. When Varric heard the soft sigh in her throat, tasted it on his tongue, he eased away. Arousal slapped at him and the need to stay and continue snarled in his mind.

“Good night.” He murmured as he stroked her face. Her eyes were unfocused, and he absolutely refused to smirk about that. At least, not with her in front of him. Her eyes cleared in a moment and she seemed to sense he was holding on by a thread because she nodded. It wasn’t the right time. Both wanted to be clearheaded when the time came for them to be together.

“Good night Varric.” Cadash smiled warmly at him, her lips pink and only a tad swollen from his kiss. It was difficult to turn and go, but somehow, he managed it. He didn’t hear her sigh or the hand that wanted to reach out to him and draw him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I play Inquisition, I always HC the Inquisitor has a bathtub. Mine would've bribed a stone mason to build it specifically for her.


	7. Chapter 7

Varric found her in the battlements staring at the sky. He’d figured he’d find her there as she had a fascination for the sky. The one time he’d asked her about it, she’d told him that the vastness of that expanse of midnight made her feel much better about her decisions. Kept her humble. Reminded her there were somethings out there bigger than what went down on the earth. Their mission in the Arbor Wilds was over and he knew the toll was heavy for her. None of them had been prepared to face down the elves, ancient elves at that. He was glad that Cadash had chosen Morrigan to drink from the Well of Sorrows. The short pause before she’d made her decision had been the longest of his life. In the end, Cadash had decided that there wasn’t any way to tell what that kind of magic would do to a dwarf. Magic and their race didn’t mix well, so Cadash had told Morrigan to drink. Especially since Solas had responded harshly to the suggestion _he_ drink it.

“Inquisitor.” Cadash turned her head to see Varric walking up the stairs. She smiled as she saw him. They’d grown closer since that night of the Wicked Grace game. He’d been more open with her and she’d dropped the wall that had been between them. Bull had commented on it but Cadash was never a kiss and tell type. They’d shared some toe curling kisses since then. Cadash knew Varric wanted to make sure the connection between them was real before taking the next step. She was content to wait, even with the Anchor spreading over her hand. She’d kept the worst of it from everyone, even Varric. She could only hope he would forgive her for keeping it from him, but there was too much going on to worry him with it.

“Varric.” Cadash inclined her head in greeting as he stopped beside her. He still insisted on using her title much to her annoyance but she got to tease him about not knowing her first name. They stood in silence and he waited patiently. Cadash blew out a breath and looked over at him. “We’re going to make our move soon. We’ve got the dragon we need to face down Corypheus’s red lyrium infused dragon.” Cadash explained. She felt him tense beside her but he stayed silent. “I don’t think he’ll wait too long to make his next move. I just wish I could strike at him _before_ he makes his next move.” Her irritated puff of air rustled her bangs as she glared at the horizon. The end was looming. Everyone could feel it; the final battle was almost upon them. The fate of Thedas rested with one small dwarf and her ability to take on an ancient Tevinter magister. “I just wish I had better odds.”

“I’ve had worse.” Varric joked to help lift her spirits. The lopsided smile she gave him called him on his bullshit. That grin always had heat swim in his blood. There was another emotion simmering beneath the surface that he wasn’t ready to identify yet.

“Oh? Do tell me. I’m interested to hear a story that puts you in worse odds than an ancient Tevinter magister.” Her words lacked heat and he grinned at her.

“Well, _technically_ , I did already kill him.” Cadash laughed but was cut off when the explosion broke the calm. The ground tilted and shook from the force of it, throwing her into Varric. She stared up in horror at the sky next to them where the Breach pulsed as it was reopened. Cadash bit back a scream at the agony that shot up her arm.

“No.” Cadash whispered as she gaped at it. Dread twisted her stomach into knots but she couldn’t run. It was time to get rid of that bastard once and for all. She turned to look at Varric, who watched her with a pained look on his face. “I’m going. I need you to get the others.” Cadash told him firmly. Nothing could change her mind when she had that look in her eyes.

“Cadash.” His hand closed over her upper arm and she stared at him in surprise. “You need us. You can’t take on a dragon by yourself. _Please_.” Her anger evaporated at his words. His tone was desperate, the words torn from some deep part of him he wasn’t aware of yet.

“All right. Ten minutes.” She wrenched her arm free and ran down the steps towards the armory. He watched her go before he turned to gather up the others. It wasn’t too difficult as it wasn’t hard to miss the explosion. Cadash’s panel of advisors were bickering.

“ _Enough._ Gather what forces we have Cullen. There will be demons pouring from the Breach. We need to protect Skyhold and our people.” The Commander nodded at her hard tone. Her eyes turned to Josephine. “Whatever soldiers the nobles can spare, we need them now. If there was ever a time to get over petty squabbles, now is the time.” Josephine nodded and rushed out to find the nobles. Cadash shared a look with Leliana who merely nodded and sent a raven off, knowing what her part was in everything without words. Morrigan stepped up beside Cadash as they stared at the Breach.

“And I believed the Archdemon was the most terrifying thing I’d faced.” Cadash looked up at the mage. An unspoken message passed between the two women. This would determine the fate of Thedas, and it needed to go off without a hitch. Each had their own pivotal roles to play in it and each would be lost without the other.

“Well, let’s go end this nightmare.” Cadash told her. She nodded and informed the Inquisitor that she would be meeting her at the battlefield. The motley crew drew up behind Cadash and she knew that now was the time to decide who was going to have to stay behind. She also knew there would be those who disagreed with her decisions, but she also knew they’d understand and follow her orders. They’d gone from strangers to friends.

“Bull, Solas, Varric. We are going to be the advance team. The rest of you help the troops. Corypheus won’t get Thedas without a fight.” Sera cheered and the other companions nodded. Each had their own good-byes, short and sweet, for Cadash as the party left Skyhold.

“This isn’t natural boss! Temples aren’t supposed to _float_!” Bull yelled out as the building ruins began to levitate. It was hard to keep balance on the rocking and floating rocks.

“This is likely the Fade’s influence.” Solas quipped as they regained their footing.

“Yeah, not helping.” Bull retorted as he remembered the trip to the Fade from before. They made their way up and to the dragon.

“Morrigan!” Cadash yelled as the apostate mage fell after being injured. “That asshole will regret the day he picked a fight with _me_!” Cadash snarled as she pivoted on her heel to face the lyrium dragon. It was a sight Varric would never likely forget. The Inquisitor in front of the lyrium infused dragon, fury outlined in her whole body.

“Hey boss! This thing fights like that dragon in Crestwood!” Bull yelled out as he rolled to dodge a deadly swipe. Cadash realized he was right, and that made the fight much easier. They could predict some of the moves the dragon made in response to being attacked and pressed in for the kill. The dragon fell and Cadash stared up as Corypheus watched from the balcony. The rage on his face at being thwarted pleased Cadash. She rushed towards the stairs and felt the rumble beneath her feet.

“This part is separating from the rest!” Solas yelled out as the ground began to tilt. Cadash jumped and grasped the bottom of the stairs as the ground fell out from under her. The stones cut into her hands, despite her thick gloves. Pain lanced through her as she struggled to pull herself up, she’d wrenched her arm during the dragon fight. She turned her head with tears in her eyes. Anger and panic warred in her at the thought of losing Varric. She couldn’t lose him! Movement snagged her attention as she pulled herself up. They were on the other side of the battlements, having scrambled back up from the ground.

“Inquisitor!” Solas yelled as he waved his hand. They stared in worry until Cadash returned the wave. Relief swept through her as she saw Varric standing next to Solas. He was safe. Bull spoke to the other two and they nodded in agreement. Cadash wondered briefly what they were trying to do, but the Breach pulsed. Pain tore through her entire body as the Anchor pulsed in time to it. She couldn’t stop the wounded cry from spilling out of her chest.

“I don’t have time to wait for them.” She murmured to herself as she realized this would be a fight she’d be fighting on her own. Cadash looked up at the Breach and grimaced. This would be the decisive battle and she couldn’t wait. The Breach had to be closed. She lurched to her feet and continued towards the center of the temple where Corypheus waited. Ignoring the cries from the other side of the battlement. She didn’t see the stark fear on Varric’s face as she disappeared around the corner.

The battle was as long and gruesome as Cadash figured it would be. They were both fighting for what they believed in. He wanted to go to the Black City to bring glory back to Tevinter and Cadash was fighting for the safety Thedas. The fight held the razor edge of desperation. Cadash had trained with Solas, Dorian, and Vivienne to learn how to fight against a mage effectively. Blackwall and the Warden had given her strategies for fighting against darkspawn. Both combined in Corypheus, and she utilized her skills to pinpoint his weaknesses. She refused to listen to his pathetic attempts at intimidation. The Breach was growing larger and she could not let it happen. She refused to let it engulf the world in its grasp. She’d _seen_ what happened and that was a fate that would never come to pass so long as she breathed. The magister fell to his knees after Cadash struck him with her blade for the last time.

Cadash held up her hand towards the orb. She concentrated and willed the orb to her. It shot into her hand and out of his. Pulled to her by the Anchor she had no doubt. Corypheus cried out to the heavens to his gods. The old gods of Tevinter. The pulse of power shot through her and a flash of the orb’s true potential ran across her mind. It was terrifying. She held the orb up towards the Breach, and willed it to close. The tear in the sky closed in upon itself, leaving only a scar. The orb dropped to the ground, her hand smoking from its use. The pain faded to a dull throbbing now as the Breach was closed. Her eyes were drawn to Corypheus. Rage settled in her body as she saw the old magister on his knees.

“You wanted into the Fade?” Cadash held up her hand as she used the Anchor to send him into his precious Fade. She heard the bone snap and crack as his body was sent through. After the rage cleared she heard the warning groan of the stone she was standing on.

“Oh crap. Get off the roof, get off the roof!” Cadash cried out as she dashed away from the area as the entire floating temple crashed to the ground. Her luck held up in that the stones didn’t crush her in their descent. It still felt as if a genlock body slammed her as she rolled to her knees. She’d likely broken a few bones, but that was nothing new. Dorian or Solas would be able to help with that.

“Solas.” Cadash murmured as she saw the elf kneeling by the shattered orb. He looked up and saw her lying in pain. His fingers brushed lovingly over the pieces of the ancient elven artifact before he went over to her. “I’m sorry.” The words wheezed out between breaths. She knew how hard the elves worked to keep their ancient knowledge alive, and she’d unwittingly destroyed a piece of it.

“It is all right.” Cadash knew it wasn’t all right. She wanted to tell him that she’d tried to hold onto the orb but that final pulse of power as the Breach was sealed had been too much for her to endure. She’d dropped the orb and that it was her fault it shattered. She didn’t realize she’d been speaking aloud until Solas shook his head. “Inquisitor. You have endured more than one woman should. It is not your fault that I miscalculated.” His cryptic words puzzled Cadash but she was in too much pain to figure them out. He came over and called upon his magic to help her.

“Thank you Solas.” Cadash whimpered as he eased the pain of her wounds. She felt the bones knit back together, it was a distinctly uncomfortable feeling. Cadash heard the worried voices of her companions and she limped over to the stone archway. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Solas gathering up the shattered orb. Her steps faltered as she cautiously made her way down. Cassandra stepped up and stared up at the Breach, but she got shoved aside as Varric rushed to the front.

He took in the picture the Inquisitor made. Something told him he’d never forget the picture she made, and that was going around a lot. He doubted he’d ever forget the memories from his time with the Inquisition. Bloodied, bruised, and battered but standing strong against the backdrop of a ruined temple and sealed, scarred sky. He needed to feel her, to make sure she was whole. Morrigan leaned on one of the soldiers as they all approached Cadash. Each and every one of them saw her as he did. She wasn’t just his. She was a symbol for the people and he could wait until after to make sure she was fine.

Cadash sighed as she made the rounds of the main hall. Josephine had arranged for quite the celebration. All Cadash wanted was to be alone in her room, soaking in that glorious tub. All her companions would be leaving for their own ventures, and Skyhold would be lonely. It was better to enjoy the time with them now before it was all over. Her eyes searched for Varric but he had disappeared. She remembered speaking to him earlier, but now she couldn’t find him. After she made the rounds once more, she headed to her room after getting the approval nod from Josephine. No one would be upset if the hero of the hour got the much-needed rest she deserved.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I needed the extra drama. So Cadash faced Corypheus alone. Sorry!


	8. Chapter 8

The stairs to her quarters never seemed so high as they did with exhaustion weighing her down. Her hand trailed over the banister as she headed up to the landing, she just wasn’t sure if it was the bed or the bath that beckoned her more. Josephine assured her that a servant had been sent ahead to fill the bath for her, and Cadash had been tempted to kiss the ambassador for that. Cadash cleared the top of the stairs and stopped at the sight that greeted her. The laugh that bubbled out was one born of happiness and surprise. The curtains were drawn and candles cast a soft golden glow around her room. A table was set in the middle of the room, the gorgeous Orlesian floral arrangement placed center, and the delicious finger foods arranged on plates. Her smile tugged at her lips as she figured out who had gone to so much trouble and it warmed her heart. _Servant indeed._ Her eyes spotted him in the plush reading chair by the window, his eyes closed as exhaustion had overtaken him. She smiled indulgently at him. Love filled her as she watched him sleep, she wanted to run a hand through his hair as he slumbered.

Cadash crept carefully around the room. He needed the sleep as much as she did, and she wasn’t going to bother him. The bath beckoned her, the steam a heady siren’s call to her aching muscles, in the little side room. Her clothing whispered as it fell to the floor. Cadash hissed out a breath as she stepped into the hot water, and cast a look out the door to see if Varric was still asleep. He was and she relaxed into the water. Cadash looked down at her body while in the bath. It had been through hell in the past year. The bruises were slowly fading from the final battle, thanks to Dorian and Vivienne’s efforts. Both had loathed leaving the bruises marring her skin, even as Cadash laughed it off. It was just a body, and a body that would heal. The water hugged her in a silky caress, easing the aches from her joints. Falling from the sky hadn’t been her ideal way to end a battle, but at least Corypheus was defeated and the Breach closed.

She reached up and tugged her hair out of its bun, feeling the weight of it hit her shoulders. Her body melted into the built-in bench and she tilted her head back as her eyes closed. Cadash felt the water move and something brush by her. Her eyes snapped open and she saw Varric sitting next to her. She opened her mouth to say something but he shook his head. His hair was down, hanging around his shoulders. Cadash allowed herself to steal a glance at him as he eased into the water, the flush riding high on her cheeks. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t been naked in front of each other. During their travels, it had been necessary as camp quarters were tight, but she’d never used that time to spy on him. But now? Now, she drank in the sight of him. Her fingers itched to trail over that finely built chest, and to find the places that made his breath catch. It was torture to sit next to him like this and not touch. She wanted to know what his hair felt like as it ran through her fingers, would it feel like silk? Such a fanciful thought from her. Poetry and words had never been her strong suit.

“Like what you see?” He teased as he settled on the bench next to her. Cadash felt his skin brush against hers, heightening her awareness of him. Desire curled low and hot in her belly. She wanted him. Her blood began pumping in her veins, the exhaustion from the earlier battle fading quickly.

“Maybe.” The rich baritone of his laughter filled the small bathing chamber as he grinned at her.

“A castle landing on you doesn’t dampen your humor does it Cadash?” Varric caught her eye and she saw the worry behind the merriment. Varric’s way of dealing with most situations was to turn on the charm and humor, but Cadash needed to show him it was okay. That _she_ was okay. It couldn’t have been easy to watch her run into battle without him by her side.

“I’m okay Varric.” She reached a hand up and cupped his cheek. The smile on her face was warm and comforting. “It’s over.” He leaned into her touch as his eyes closed. Cadash leaned forward and brushed her lips across his cheek in a soft kiss. The scrape of his stubble an erotic caress. She hoped he couldn’t feel how her heart thundered in her chest at his proximity. Her blood ran hot and fast with the need to get closer to him. This moment was for comfort and reassurance.

His face turned and his lips pressed into her palm. His eyes opened and met hers, the emotion blazing in their amber depths. It sent a shiver down her spine. She wanted to tell him just how much she cared about him, but feared his reaction to them. Fear kept whatever it was she wanted to say inside, and she settled for brushing her thumb across his cheek. Putting her emotions into the action, hoping he understood without her speaking. His other hand slid down to her hip, pulling her closer. An aching throb began in her chest at the feel of his hand there. Her breasts pressed against his chest, her nipples pebbling at the feel of his chest hair. A sigh slipped between her lips as his covered hers in a fiery kiss. Her arms came up to wrap around his neck, her fingers tangling in his hair.

Cadash moaned as her hips shifted and his erection brushed against her belly. Her fingers tightened in his hair as she pressed fully against him. Her tongue swept out to glide against his. Her soft purr was his undoing and he lifted his head and pressed his lips against her temple. “Bed. Now.” The growled words sent heat straight to her groin, and she breathed his name against his cheek. They managed to make it to the bed and fell on it in a tangle of limbs.

Cadash cried out as his mouth latched onto her nipple as his body settled between her thighs. The scrape of his body hair against her skin sent white hot liquid heat roaring through her body. Her whole world centered on the wicked way he was moving his tongue against her body. She threw back her head as his hand came up to cup her other breast, his thumb brushing against the tight nipple as his teeth nipped at her skin. Cadash whimpered as he kissed down her body, and sucked in a shocked breath when he nibbled the inside of her thigh. Her heart raced in her chest as his hands settled at her core, thumb flicking over her clit. Pleasure arrowed through her, focusing low in her belly.

“Please, please, please.” Cadash begged as he leisurely stroked over her clit. The agonizing caresses fanned the flames higher in her. His chuckle had that liquid heat tightening into a knot in her groin.

“I never thought I’d hear the great Inquisitor Cadash begging.” He placed his lips against her thigh as she fought down the frustration bubbling in her. He knew he was being a little shit, and worse, he was _enjoying_ it. She made a note that she’d pay him back for this.

“Varric.” She’d come too far for pride to be a factor. His name was almost a wail as her body reached for release. Her heels dug into the mattress, hand reaching for him, and the other tangling in the sheets at the frustration rising within her.

“What do you want?” His lips ghosted over her belly, just above where she wanted him. Dignity was thrown out the window as she let out a low groan. He let his stubble rasp against her abdomen, tormenting her further.

“I want your mouth on me. I want your cock in me! _Please_!” Cadash pleaded as the pleasure built in her from the agony of his slow movements. His chuckle was her only warning before his mouth was where she wanted, _needed_ , it. Her back bowed as the flat of his tongue rasped over her clit and he slid two fingers inside of her. The man was _lethal_ with that mouth of his. Cadash threw back her head and let her hands fist in the sheets as his teeth gently scraped over the sensitive bud and he curled his fingers in her. His name spilled out of her like a prayer as she chased that release. He closed his lips over her and sucked as his fingers hit a spot inside her she didn’t know existed. The white-hot knot broke in her and pleasure pulsed through her in waves. She fell and cried out his name as she did. His touch gentled as she came down from the high, her breathing labored as she fought to gain some sense back after that orgasm.

She reached for him and he slid up her body. His cock brushed against the inside of her thigh, a hot brand against her skin, and she reached down to grasp him in her hand. She positioned him at her entrance and curled her legs around his waist as he slid inside of her. Cadash sighed as she was stretched and filled. Her head fell back against the bed, exposing her throat. His lips brushed against the column of her throat as he began to move inside of her. He leaned up on his arms and reached between them to caress her still sensitive clit in feather soft strokes. Cadash felt the liquid heat build in her again, tightening into a slippery knot where they joined. Her hands grabbed at his shoulders, trying to find purchase as his movements drove her mindless from pleasure. She cried out as the orgasm washed over her, her legs clamped down on his waist as she let the waves roll over her. He buried his head in her shoulder and she felt him go still and pulse inside of her. Her hands slid down his back and back up to run through his hair. He slid to the side and pulled her against him as they both fought to regain control of their breathing.

“Varric.” Cadash looked up at him as she knew she _had_ to tell him, even if he rejected her. She was riding the high from the orgasms, but she had to let him know it was _more_ than just sex for her. “Varric, I love you.” She felt him go still beside her and promised herself she wouldn’t say anything, no matter his answer. She wouldn’t get offended and would keep the hurt inside if he rejected her love. His head flopped back on the pillow and he released a heavy sigh. Cadash felt her heart begin to sink and prepared for the worst.

His hand ran through her hair and she took it as a good sign. “I never expected to love anyone besides Bianca. I was devastated when we found out the truth.” Cadash nodded, somehow knowing that speaking would ruin whatever it was he was going to say. “Then you came along. Quiet, unassuming, and happy with whatever was between us.” He paused as he reached the end of her hair. “You never pushed and I. I found myself wanting you to.” His eyes met hers, clear and unwavering, and she felt a smile beginning to work its way onto her lips. “When you ran on today to face Corypheus.” His voice broke and he cleared his throat. “As I watched your back disappear in those ruins. It felt as if my heart had been ripped out.” Cadash let the smile spread on her face as she moved up until she was eye level with Varric. Her hand reached out to touch his face and he pressed his lips into her palm, mimicking the movement from the bath. Except this time, Cadash felt the vulnerability behind it. “I love you. I’d be lost if you were gone. So, don’t go running after crazed Tevinter magisters again.” Varric told her as he brought her in close and rested his chin on top of her head. Cadash laughed and promised she was done chasing crazed magisters. The exhaustion from the day settled on her body, and sleep beckoned like a siren’s call. Cadash rested her palm against Varric’s chest, letting the reassuring beat of his heart lull her into sleep. “Go to sleep. I’ll still be here when you wake up.” The contented sigh slipped out and she let sleep take her.


	9. Chapter 9

Dorian rushed through the eluvian off the courtyard in Halamshiral’s courtyard. Bull was behind him just as panicked with Cassandra running ahead to get Vivienne and the advisors. In his arms was Cadash, bleeding from a grievous wound. Bull had tied off the stump, and Dorian had been the one to pick her up. Healing magic was not his forte but he was decent enough at it that he was their best bet to monitor her stability on the trip back through the eluvians. Between him and Vivienne they could stop the bleeding. The blasted Council could wait until she was healed. Bull sent a servant off with a message that the Inquisitor was injured and needed time to heal.

“I’m fine. Really.” Cadash smiled weakly at Dorian. “Did you get my arm?” Dorian’s face paled as he stared at Cadash in wonder. “Xenon from the Black Emporium promised me that cute miniature bear if I gave him my arm.” A laugh burst from Dorian’s chest, only the Inquisitor could find humor in the situation she was in. It was a laugh that came from a place of desperation and he looked up as Vivienne burst into the Inquisitor’s rooms. The normally serene mage showing signs of worry in her jerky movements and lines around her eyes and mouth. He placed her onto the chaise and stepped aside to give the Orlesian mage some room to maneuver. The two of them focused their magic into stopping the bleeding and closing as much as they could. Bull kept everyone out to give them some room.

“Damn it Tiny! Let me _in_ there! She’s hurt!” Varric yelled at the qunari. The Iron Bull stared down at Varric with an agonizing expression and shook his head. He knew that Varric would hover and get in the way, and neither mage needed that right now if they had a chance to save her.

“Let them work.” Varric fought against his hold and it wasn’t until Cole settled his hand on Varric’s shoulder that he stopped.

“Pain. Blistering, blinding pain.” Cole murmured and Cassandra started behind them. “ _Real_ pain. Not like the Anchor. False pain there. Constant pain there. Now I’m free. Not dying.” Varric’s chest tightened as he listened to Cole’s words, knowing without explanation that they were the Inquisitor’s. He’d known the Anchor had been spreading but she’d kept the extent from him. They’d been apart for two years since he’d gone back to Kirkwall and dealt with the city’s problems. Then they’d gone and given him the Viscount title. Cadash had been ecstatic at the news and laughed at Seneschal Bran’s reaction to Varric giving her a title. Throughout it all, she’d kept silent about the mark that was slowly killing her from the inside out. It hurt to know she’d kept it from him. Varric wondered how much Cadash had gone through in the two years since they’d been separated.

Dorian and Vivienne stumbled out of the room an hour later, both thoroughly exhausted. Varric jumped to his feet and he grabbed Dorian’s arm. The newly minted magister looked down at the dwarf with an understanding. He recognized the strain and worry in the dwarf’s eyes. He nodded and tilted his head back towards the door. It was all the invitation Varric needed and he hurried into the room. Cadash sat up on the chaise, the lines around her eyes deeper. She stared at her left arm and the bandages there. Her head jerked up when she heard him enter.

“Varric.” He reached for her and buried his head in her stomach as he fell to his knees beside her. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re alive. What are you sorry for?” Varric murmured as he breathed in her scent. The smell of earth and thunderstorm and that floral scent that was all her.

“I went chasing after crazed mages again. Didn’t quite anticipate this result though.” Cadash chuckled quietly and ran her fingers through Varric’s hair. She told him about what happened and what she’d learned. “I can’t let him do it Varric. I _can’t_.”

“But your organization is compromised now. Both qunari and elf infiltrators.” Varric looked up and brushed his hand across her cheek, to reassure himself she was fine. It was so Cadash to want to keep on saving Thedas, even after she’d given so much to it. For very little appreciation as both Ferelden and Orlais wanted to either disband the Inquisition or put a leash on it. An Orlesian leash at that.

“I know. That’s why I need to address the Council. So, will you help me dress? There’s a way to continue working on a way to stop Solas.” She lifted a hand to Varric as he pulled her to her feet. Dorian and Vivienne had stripped her out of her armor as they worked, the shredded remains littered the floor. Cadash looked down at it with a wistful eye, but she’d have to settle for her formal attire.

“How?” Varric asked as he helped Cadash into her formal attire. He folded the sleeve carefully around what was left of her arm and stepped back. Determination lit her eyes and her jaw was set in that way that told him she was digging her heels in. He could tell the bickering among the nobles had worn her down.

“You’ll see.” She told him before she stormed into the grand meeting room. The lords and the Divine started at her sudden entrance. Josephine had been wringing her hands in nervousness. She’d heard of the extent of Cadash’s injuries but to see it in front of her… It was shocking. Cadash held the thick tome in her hand that had begun the entire ordeal two years ago. It seemed fitting to end it with the same tome. She stopped when she got in front of the Council. Their arguing infuriated Cadash as she stepped up to them. It seemed they’d never make up their mind about what to do with the Inquisition. Cadash had no time for their idiocy or political maneuvering. Solas presented a real threat to Thedas and she couldn’t ignore it. The only way to ensure her hunt for him would go uncompromised was the one thing she’d settled on. She spoke impatiently to the Council about the creation of the Inquisition and their purpose for being.

“It was about people doing what was necessary. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a world to save. _Again_. Effective immediately, the Inquisition is disbanded.” She dropped the book in front of the Council, turned on her heel, and marched out of the hallway to the shocked cries of everyone in the room. Ferelden and Orlais could both hang as far as she was concerned. She’d given them enough blood that they should be sated for decades to come. Cadash had not been lying when she’d said she had the world to save.

“You’ll come to Kirkwall?” Varric asked as the rest of their companions went their separate ways. Cadash shifted and rested her head on his shoulder. They looked out at the sunset and she smiled. She would go to Kirkwall, but she wasn’t able to promise Varric a when.

“I will. Once I tie up the loose ends with the Inquisition. I’ll definitely be joining you in Kirkwall. Nothing could keep me away.” Cadash linked her fingers with his as they watched the sunset. They’d part again soon, but Cadash knew it wouldn’t be for long. She was determined to go to Kirkwall and be with Varric again. Even if she did have to work in an underground spy network with Scout Harding, who was taking over for Leliana, and those who chose to work with her. Varric had offered his support but his hands were tied being the Viscount of Kirkwall. Cadash wouldn’t let him put his new position at risk and had firmly turned down his offer of help. For now, she had too much to get started on to join him in Kirkwall.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You expect me to believe this tale Varric?” Aveline scoffed as Varric grinned at her. He’d gotten the news that Cadash was arriving in Kirkwall soon. Aveline had asked why he was so excited and she wasn’t quite ready to believe him about the former Inquisitor. His tales were too full of inflated lies to tell if he was speaking the truth.   
They had been apart for six long months this time. Varric found that this time he didn’t care to be separated from the woman he loved. She’d written to him regularly, explaining that they’d had to go through the Inquisition supply caches and make sure every person that had been employed by the organization had work elsewhere. They’d been compensated for their time with the Inquisition and debts had been paid off. Varric had grinned as he realized what Cadash was trying to do. Keeping the funds away from the nobles that had their hands out. She’d written him last week to anticipate her arrival as things had finally calmed down.

“You’ll have to read the book then.” Varric teased as Aveline grumbled about keeping his old habits. He grinned roguishly at her as the doors opened. Hawke was with him, having come back from Weisshaupt the year before. Hawke glanced up, eyes twinkling with mischief as he spied their visitor. The Inquisitor hadn’t changed much from the last time Hawke had seen her. She wore normal clothing as she spoke with Donnic at the door, smiling in a relaxed way as she explained why she was there. Hawke leaned on the railing and lifted a hand in greeting as she spied him. Her eyes widened and a beaming smile split her face as she returned the greeting. Varric and Aveline were bantering as he slipped down the stairs to greet the former Inquisitor.

“Serah Hawke.” Cadash smiled brightly at him. He saw the strain around her eyes and the worry lines on her forehead. Those were new. “I’m pleased to see you are safe.” Hawke realized she meant it. He smiled at her and asked after how her companions were doing. Cadash told him about all of them as they walked up the stairs. Cadash heard Varric’s voice and Hawke saw her face shift. The emotion he saw on Cadash’s face softened her features and he nodded. She wasn’t going to hurt Varric. She was good for Varric. Even Hawke had noticed how Varric had changed since coming back to Kirkwall. He’d seemed lighter and more prone to smiling. Merrill had commented on it and Fenris grumbled about Varric’s good humor being even _more_ annoying.

“It’s good to see you again as well. I suppose I can’t call you Inquisitor anymore. Will Lady Cadash suffice?” Cadash wrinkled her nose at the mention of the title Varric had given her and assured him that Cadash was just fine with her. They reached the top of the stairs and her blue eyes landed on Varric. Hawke grinned as he saw the emotions play across her face again. This woman loved his best friend.

“Oh, great Viscount Tethras! I bring you your guest.” Hawke’s voice boomed in the hall and he stepped aside to reveal Cadash. Who sent him a withering glare. Aveline felt Varric freeze before his legs were moving before she could blink. She looked at Hawke as he stepped away from Cadash to give his friend some room. He enveloped the former Inquisitor in a warm embrace. Aveline could see the emotion behind the reunion and it almost brought a tear to her eye. As much as she complained about Varric, she was glad he found someone who was able to make him happy. She told Varric to head home, she and Bran could handle the rest of the day. She made sure to tell him that The Hanged Man did not count as home and the former Inquisitor did _not_ need to be staying the night there. Bran waved them off with a happy sigh at the departing couple. Bran was a secret romantic, it made him happy to see someone get their happy ending.

Cadash stretched alongside Varric in his bed. She propped up on one elbow and looked down at him with one eyebrow raised. “I do have to ask you one question Varric.” She pressed feather light kisses along his cheek until they met his lips. She sank into the kiss and the taste of him. Her breathing was a bit ragged as she pulled back. It had been a long separation for them both, even if it was shorter than the two years they’d been apart.

“Hit me.”

“ _All This Shit’s Weird_? You really named the book that?” Cadash laughed as Varric shrugged. He did remind her that title was always a possibility since titles were not his forte. “Also, Cassandra says thank you for putting her in the book by the way.” Varric laughed and pulled her in for another kiss. He prayed that the rest of their life was filled with laughter, and it was.


End file.
